the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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