I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
