I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
