You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
