or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
