What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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