How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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