im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
