I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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