How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
should my penis look like a turkey
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
