but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
