He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
