You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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