it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
