it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
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End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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