4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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