I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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