areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
