All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
whose parrot is this?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
