he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
