Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize