it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
