Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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