We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
