my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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