cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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