your parents love me but you hate me
In the future we'll all be gay
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
