He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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