I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
