i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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