Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
where does the pee come out of this thing
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
