The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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