my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
