mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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