Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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