New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
