no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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