Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
