I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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