I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
