You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
