I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My balls are so social today.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
