Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
