you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
