Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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