I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
