The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We have started to decorate penises.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
