Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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