is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
