Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
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I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize