Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
