Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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