Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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