end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
MIDGETS
????
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
