She is in my trunk
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
