Apparently you make a good broom.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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