I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
