his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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