Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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