Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
