Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
