like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
