I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
