just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
