Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
