He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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