Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
