hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
