Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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